Mothers.

Mother's Day.  As this beautiful day comes to a close I can't help but put my gratitude into words.

Almost 2 1/2 years ago I became a momma to the sweetest most perfect little angel baby a momma could ask for! What a moment in time that was. I simply thank Heavenly Father each day for that sweet boy picking ME to be his mommy! What an honor, and a privilege to have an angel watching over our little family each and every day!!

 

Then I went a year without being a momma to a physical body, but more a momma to an angel.

That was a bittersweet mother's day to say the least. 

And then a year ago I had the honor again to call myself a mommy! T has brought so much joy and love into my life! He has made me open my eyes to the important things in life, and has taught me so much in his little lifetime. I thank the heavens that I get to be his mom, and for all that means!

 

Being a mom is something special, and I cherish each day on this earth that I have with my babies.

I also look forward with eagerness to the day when our family will become an eternal family, and that I will have the privilege to raise my sweet Carter!

Both boys have brought such emotional highs(and lows) into my life, and I really am truly grateful for them both! I love them with all of my heart, and could not imagine my life with out them!!

I also am eternally grateful for my mom, and my mother-in-law.

I'm so proud to call my mom my best friend, and do not know where I would be with out her!

Also, with out her selflessness in babysitting T we would be in a world of hurt and eating crumbs off the floor. I appreciate her willingness to sacrifice her time to help me and my family out, and for her love and willingness to give!

I am also thankful for my mil, for raising a son to be the man he is today. For sacrificing a lot in her life to provide for her kid's wants and needs. She is also a wonderful grandmother to not only my babies but to the other 4, almost 5 kiddos in our clan. 

Thank you both for being the women you are today, for providing such a strong and steadfast example to me, and to my children! 

I love you both!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Time Out For Women 2013

(warning: this gets personal and real, please be for warned and polite/careful with any comments you may choose to make at the end of this post, or to others)  

Today I had the privilege to attend Time Out for Women. Amazing!
I needed it more than I even knew I needed it. It was uplifting and well received by me.

Here is what I learned:
Life isn't easy, for anyone. Life can be hard, it can and will throw challenges at you both night and day. But it is through our faith and our reliance on our Savior Jesus Christ that we can make it through these challenges that we are faced with.

I wouldn't look back on my life and say it was hard. I wouldn't say I had a hard childhood or even a hard teenage life. I did the things that I was told to do by both my parents, other adult figures, and most importantly my Heavenly Father. I went through life with a smile on my face, and a skip in my step you could say.

Now, I am not saying my life didn't have it's troubles or disappointments by any means. I am saying that my troubles, were not trials for me.  They may have seemed like mountains to climb when I was younger, but looking back those "mountains" were merely hills.

These past 2.5 years in my life have been different for me. Both good and bad. I still don't have a "hard life", but I no longer have a skip to my step. My hills have become mountains. Becoming an adult and facing the world has changed me. I have been faced with trials that I never even new could be possible, let alone be happening in my life. Life has become challenging in ways for me.

I would never trade my trials or challenges for anyone else's, but that doesn't make them any less hard to trudge through. Today I realized though that I have let the light go out of my life, and out of my eyes and heart. Life has a funny way of doing this to us, each of us. Lifting us up, and then dropping us smack onto our faces. Our challenge in this life is how we recover from this drop. Will we simply lay there and never move again, eventually forming to the ground we fell on. Or will we lift ourselves up, brush ourselves off and start the climb once again?

Life has dropped me onto my face, and I have stayed right there. From time to time trying to "sit up", but always ending up laying back down, becoming one with my surroundings. I didn't realize until today just how true that statement was for me. I have been sitting down for far to long now, having a pity party for myself, and not realizing on what I am missing out on. I was missing the bigger picture. I haven't been living as though I matter, as though my family matters, as though we are something more than the challenges and trials we are faced with.

While I know and truly believe with every being of my soul that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, I haven't been showing those around me that I believe the things which I claim to know and speak of weekly. My actions are speaking louder than my words. I had lost my vision.

Elder Scott has said:
"Heavenly Father did not send us to earth to fail, but rather to succeed GLORIOUSLY"!

This I believe. This I know. 

I know that God does not want me to fail. He wants to help lift me up off the ground that I have been laying on, and carry me to where I need and want to be. I have to much at stake in this life, and in the next to not get up and trudge on through new and ever lasting trials that I face.

Today while listening to the speakers and musical numbers I had an 'ah-ha' moment, I realized that my priorities are not in order(although I had felt they were). I realized that I had let fear and doubt take over me, and I had let Satan into my life ever so slightly for to long. The blackness and darkness he brings was taking over the light and joy in my life. The mundane tasks of the every day were no longer miraculous and exciting to me. To be frank, depression was becoming a real word in my vocabulary.

I hate that word, and everything that comes with it. I hate that I have let myself start to get here. But it happened, and I'm no longer letting it take control over me. It's my turn to fight and let my actions and words be one. I am ready to 'Tap into the vision of what God already has in store for me'. I'm ready to face the storm and still stand when it's all said and done. I'm ready to fight to be strong. My fears are still real, my trails will not go away-and my even get worse before they get better, but I'm ready.

I'm so grateful that I was able to attend Time Out for Women today, It was powerful and much needed. I am also thankful for my family for helping make that possible. It's amazing what the Lord will do for you when he knows you really need to hear something!

****Please do not worry about me. I am not depressed, but was merely starting to feel that way. I am fine, and will be great. I just needed to write this down so that if I ever forget what I learned today and feel myself heading back down this road I can refer back to this.****

Sleep Training.

Oh the dreaded sleep training. We put it off for far to long, and we knew it. We had created so many bad habits, that were starting to bite us in the bum. 

When Trenton was first born we constantly held him, because who doesn't love a newborn snuggle. 

We held him during nap time, and all night until we were ready to go to bed, then we would transfer him to his crib.

He would wake up almost every night about 2:30am to eat, I would feed him and then hold him for another hour until he was fast asleep. Then I would put him into his bed again. Needless to say, this got old. Finally it got to the point that he would wake up the minute we put him down, and we were sleeping with him on the couch-while holding him in our arms. 

Annoying!!

Well we knew something needed to change. We had "tried" sleep training before...kind of. But the poor baby would cry for hours on end, and this working momma couldn't take it any longer, so we stopped. My fault. 

At Trenton's 9 month appointment, Dr. Anderson asked how T's sleeping habits were. We explained our current situation, and he HIGHLY encouraged sleep training. So we went home and that night started on our journey. Because of T's current physical situation, Dr. A recommended starting with night time, and once he had that down adding in nap time.

It's now been 9 days, and I can happily report (knock on wood BIG time) that everything is going pretty well. He is getting better and better, and his crying is less and less. He has slept straight through the night 7/9 nights since the sleep training has begun....I can count on 1 hand how many times he had done this before we began!

We are now starting the talk about nap time....eek seriously DREADING this one!

Wish us luck!

Second Birthday.

Happy Birthday Carter!



Aug 3rd and 9th 2010



 I can't even begin to think about where the time has gone. Two years??? really? As this day as been approaching I've found myself flashing back to those 13 days two years ago. It's been a journey to say the least. Our little family of two became a family of three and life changed forever. We will forever be grateful for those precious 13 days that we had with our sweet angel.

Back then, I thought that life would never go back to a feeling of normal ever again. It has, as weird as it to realize. But it is not the normal we once knew. It's a new reality that we live in, a feeling of striving to be more Christ-like; to be a better wife, husband, daddy, mommy, brother, sister, son, daughter, aunt, uncle, grandson, granddaughter and friend. We have a daily fight in us to be better so that we can be with Him again. There is nothing like having an angel baby to make you want to do all you can so that you can be with them forever!

As I look back on what these past two years have brought us, it's amazing to recognize the blessings we have been handed. For a long time I didn't think that I would ever want to get pregnant again, I didn't think that I could handle it. I struggled with thoughts of forgetting my sweet angel if we had other children. I struggled with thoughts of preterm pregnancy, and this tragedy happening again. I may have even told the Lord once or twice that if he took my baby I would never have another child again because I wouldn't go through this pain ever again....ha like telling the Lord what he can and can not do is even an option! In those moments I thought it was. Those moments were also some of my most spiritual moments I've even experienced, and probably ever will.

Even though the wounds are scared over and hurt less and less each day, we miss him an unbelievable amount and wish that we could hug him and run and play with him to celebrate this second birthday.

Life is funny how things work out....but thankfully one day we will be able to celebrate with him for many birthdays and such.

Happy Birthday Angel baby, hope it's a good one!

We love you!!!! 



Aug 4th, 2010



The Fire

On January 15, 2012 life in the Jex house changed forever. 

Our house caught on fire. 

Here is the story:

I woke up at 5:00am to a weird noise above us, I asked Mike if he knew what the noise was. Our first thought was it was my dad getting ready to head to church meetings, because this would be a normal Sunday event. However after just a few seconds I sat straight up and told Mike that I thought we were being robbed. He Sat up and we listened for another second or so, the noise was getting louder and there was a lot of comotion going on up stairs. Suddenly we heard some popping sounds, and Mike jumped out of bed, grabbed his bat, and stated that he thought my dad was shooting someone. We both jumped up  that's when we smelled it, Mike shouted at me that the house was on fire, we threw some pj's on and swung open our bedroom door, only to see my mom running down the stairs to tell us to get out! We  ran up the stairs and out the door, when we got out side the front door we could see tons and tons of black smoke poring out of the roof and garage doors. We ran across the street and that is when the flames started to sore out of the garage doors. All 5 of us and shadow, that were in the house got out safely.

When we arrived outside there were about 5 people standing on our lawn, the Oakeys who live down the street, and their friends. They were standing there in swim wear and nothing else. They had been having an all night birthday hot tub party and could smell something weird and ran around our neighborhood trying to find where the smell was coming from. When they saw it was our house they called 911 and then started to knock on the front door and Morgans window(we didn't hear any of this because we were already running around). When we ran across the street we started pounding on our neighbors house, waking them up. Soon we had neighbors from all over our neighborhood standing across the street with us, watching as our house not so slowly was burning down. It seemed like forever until the fire trucks got to our home, and then it seemed like they did nothing. We all were sort of expecting a movie type scene, with lots of running around and water being sprayed from long yellow hoses. It was nothing like that.

after the fire was put out.

 What we didn't know is they were actually working, and hard. We didn't know it at the time but the back side of the house was worse off, and most of the commotion was going on back there. It took several hours before everything was out, people were kind enough to lend us blankets, coats, hats, gloves, etc because it was freezing out side. My parents, Mike and I stood on the sidewalk and watched for several hours. Morgan went to a neighbors home to get away from everything that was happening. Lots happened from between 7am-12pm, including us being able to go into the house to grab the necessities we would need for the next few days. That was crazy! I was not, and still am not able to go into the house due to all of the smoke fumes. I sat on the front lawn holding Shadow. The poor dog was having a MAJOR anxiety attack. We had several neighbors their helping us get what we needed out of the house, including food out of the fridge and freezers because the power had been cut during the fire. As a side note, as grateful as I am to have my husband, it is extremely funny to have a boy pack what he thinks you need. I came away with almost my entire sock drawer and no shirts. Love that boy!!!

what was remaining of dads truck.

 our neighborhood was so kind to us, several families took our laundry home to wash and dry it so we would have something to wear besides pj's. We are so grateful for each and every one of the people that served us that dreadful day!

the door from the house, going into the garage.

 There was a lot of damage done because of the fire. The entire garage burned entirely, along with everything single thing in it. The back garage door, leading to the backyard had burned off, sending the fire up the house and into the attic. The siding on the house is ruined as well as the roof and all the brick on the home. When the firemen got into the house they needed to see if the fire was up in the attic in the house, so they had to rip down the ceiling in the bathroom, laundry room, and dining room.We have been told that the fire started on the extension cord plugged into my dads truck. We don't know for sure, and never will.

laundry room ceiling

1/2 bathroom in the back of the house.

dining room ceiling/wall

back of the house.

We have been living in a hotel downtown for the past two weeks. Life has been crazy, we have had to get the house packed up with items needed for the next several months, all of our fabric items got shipped off to Boise to be cleaned, and the restoration company has been boxing up the remaining items in our home to be taken to their warehouse to be cleaned and stored until we can get into a rental home. The back half of the house through the garage will have to be demolished, the entire upper level of the house will have to be taken down to the studs and rebuilt, and the basement is still in debate. The basement for sure will need new paint, and carpet; but depending on the electrical wires, wither they got to a certain degree or not will determine if the basement has to go down to the studs or not. 

We have been told that we will not be able to live in our home again until July or August, so we have a long road a head of us. What a way to start 2012, right? We are grateful to our Father in Heaven for allowing us to get out safely, and for the majority of our home to be untouched by fire. We have a lot to be sad about right now, and have all had our moments/days but we also have a lot to be thankful for! We are trying to stay positive, but it may not always happen. I will keep you updated as we go along in this journey.

Just Let Me Cry

This was one of my MOST favorite songs after Carter passed. I cherish this whole CD by Hilary Weeks. She is truly and angel in my life. This song means so much to me, and can make me cry every. single. time. I listen to it. I love it, and can always go back to where I was in my life last year when I found this song. It holds a lot of play time in my car, as well as some loud jamming sessions followed by tear sessions. It's great!

Thanks Hilary Weeks for having such a great connecting song!

just a thought.

what nots...

here is a random post of all things what not; enjoy.

looking back a year ago: it donned on me today that a year ago this month Mike and I found out we were 'with child'. It's amazing to think back to such a wonderful and happy time in our lives.

Little did we know what would happen later in 2010, and it's a very good thing we didn't.

So many things good and bad have happen in that year. I have learned so much, Mike has learned so much, and WE have learned a lot....and I mean A LOT!!!! It's been an adjustment the past 8 months of out lives, and an even bigger adjustment the past 4-5 months while finding out all the wonderfully exciting news of so many pregnancies of special people in our lives, there have been MANY and although at times it's been rough, we both couldn't be more truly truly ecstatic for those great people. We look forward to sharing in their new adventures and loving on there precious little ones. There is nothing better to us right now at this point in time then being an aunt and uncle, and we do it well I will brag!

Uncle Kyle:

If you remember back also about a year ago Mike's uncle Kyle was diagnosed with a major brain tumor, thankfully he has been cancer free for a year...until a few weeks ago when he went in for a routine MRI and another tumor was located; this time in a different part of the brain. We have been praying that it is operable, and our prayers have been answered we got news today that Kyle will be having surgery on April 27th. We will continue to pray for him and welcome any of you who would like to join in to do so as well.

and lastly: I will be MIA for the next week, I will be flying out to MO to help Andy and Melissa drive their cars here so they can move to Washington. I can't wait to love on Noah and Clare!!

till then....

chow!