(warning: this gets personal and real, please be for warned and polite/careful with any comments you may choose to make at the end of this post, or to others)
Today I had the privilege to attend Time Out for Women. Amazing!
I needed it more than I even knew I needed it. It was uplifting and well received by me.
Here is what I learned:
Life isn't easy, for anyone. Life can be hard, it can and will throw challenges at you both night and day. But it is through our faith and our reliance on our Savior Jesus Christ that we can make it through these challenges that we are faced with.
I wouldn't look back on my life and say it was hard. I wouldn't say I had a hard childhood or even a hard teenage life. I did the things that I was told to do by both my parents, other adult figures, and most importantly my Heavenly Father. I went through life with a smile on my face, and a skip in my step you could say.
Now, I am not saying my life didn't have it's troubles or disappointments by any means. I am saying that my troubles, were not trials for me. They may have seemed like mountains to climb when I was younger, but looking back those "mountains" were merely hills.
These past 2.5 years in my life have been different for me. Both good and bad. I still don't have a "hard life", but I no longer have a skip to my step. My hills have become mountains. Becoming an adult and facing the world has changed me. I have been faced with trials that I never even new could be possible, let alone be happening in my life. Life has become challenging in ways for me.
I would never trade my trials or challenges for anyone else's, but that doesn't make them any less hard to trudge through. Today I realized though that I have let the light go out of my life, and out of my eyes and heart. Life has a funny way of doing this to us, each of us. Lifting us up, and then dropping us smack onto our faces. Our challenge in this life is how we recover from this drop. Will we simply lay there and never move again, eventually forming to the ground we fell on. Or will we lift ourselves up, brush ourselves off and start the climb once again?
Life has dropped me onto my face, and I have stayed right there. From time to time trying to "sit up", but always ending up laying back down, becoming one with my surroundings. I didn't realize until today just how true that statement was for me. I have been sitting down for far to long now, having a pity party for myself, and not realizing on what I am missing out on. I was missing the bigger picture. I haven't been living as though I matter, as though my family matters, as though we are something more than the challenges and trials we are faced with.
While I know and truly believe with every being of my soul that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true, I haven't been showing those around me that I believe the things which I claim to know and speak of weekly. My actions are speaking louder than my words. I had lost my vision.
Elder Scott has said:
"Heavenly Father did not send us to earth to fail, but rather to succeed GLORIOUSLY"!
This I believe. This I know.
I know that God does not want me to fail. He wants to help lift me up off the ground that I have been laying on, and carry me to where I need and want to be. I have to much at stake in this life, and in the next to not get up and trudge on through new and ever lasting trials that I face.
Today while listening to the speakers and musical numbers I had an 'ah-ha' moment, I realized that my priorities are not in order(although I had felt they were). I realized that I had let fear and doubt take over me, and I had let Satan into my life ever so slightly for to long. The blackness and darkness he brings was taking over the light and joy in my life. The mundane tasks of the every day were no longer miraculous and exciting to me. To be frank, depression was becoming a real word in my vocabulary.
I hate that word, and everything that comes with it. I hate that I have let myself start to get here. But it happened, and I'm no longer letting it take control over me. It's my turn to fight and let my actions and words be one. I am ready to 'Tap into the vision of what God already has in store for me'. I'm ready to face the storm and still stand when it's all said and done. I'm ready to fight to be strong. My fears are still real, my trails will not go away-and my even get worse before they get better, but I'm ready.
I'm so grateful that I was able to attend Time Out for Women today, It was powerful and much needed. I am also thankful for my family for helping make that possible. It's amazing what the Lord will do for you when he knows you really need to hear something!
****Please do not worry about me. I am not depressed, but was merely starting to feel that way. I am fine, and will be great. I just needed to write this down so that if I ever forget what I learned today and feel myself heading back down this road I can refer back to this.****