This is a story really, about a girl who thought she was alone and unlucky, till she found out she wasn't. sound familiar to any of you?? I was filling this way, life has a weird way of working doesn't?? I had been sad, in-wordily mostly. All 3 of my cousins had given birth to there babies and I was with out mine. I was filling sorry for myself, I was longing to hold a baby all while knowing that I just couldn't. It would hurt to much, I wanted to hold MY baby, not someone elses. I felt unlucky, I knew I wasn't; actually I was probably luckier than most, here I had this most precious son that was so righteous and worthy of being at his Fathers feet and he didn't need an earthly trial...what a lucky guy, and what a lucky mom I am to have that knowledge, to have been in his prescience long enough to learn and grow and thrive. I have indeed learned so much, I think back to the beginning of this year-I can't even remember who I was, I can say this though, I wasn't this girl...that's a good thing. I am still growing and learning, and it's still really really hard, but it's getting better.
October 23rd, 2010 was suppose to be the happiest day of my life(other than getting married), it was suppose to be the day I became a mother. It was not, it was disappointing.
Thankfully for me I have amazing friends and family who have supported me and carried me through this period of my life. It's wrong that I have so much support, and it's selfish of me for never wanting it to go away, but it means everything to me right now. It's how I survive at this time. The day of Carters funeral a plot was being planned behind my back and the plans came together for the weekend of the original due date. My wonderful friends had planned on whisking me away for the weekend, so that I would not have to sit at home and think of those pesky 'would have beens', only to have gone 3 steps backwards. We were one bestie short, our friend Stacie had skipped the states months earlier to live in Michigan with her dear hubby for law school....we missed her and chatted and thought about her often.
So that Friday afternoon 3 of my friends and I jumped in the car and drove to Utah for the weekend. We shopped till we had maxed our limits on our debts, we ate junk food with out anyone telling us not to, we watched Glee season 1 and sang till we were blue in the face, we relaxed, hot tubed, caught up, talked for hours, and had a ton of fun! I think everyone of us had a blast! I know I did. I thought about my baby on the 23rd, but it was happy thoughts, not sad like it would have been. I'm grateful for these girls in my life, and for a supportive and willing husband to understand and let me go guilt free.
all 4 of my great girlfriends and there spouses chipped in and bought a large Greg Olsen picture for us, I almost cried...it's the one I had been wanting, it's called 'Take my Hand'. It's beautiful, and means so much to me. Mike and I both treasure it. Thank You all for it!
I just want to say Thank You to everyone for all you have done, and all you do for me and for Mike. We really have amazing people in our lives and I am so totally thankful for that!
We love you all!!!