Friday, August 13, 2010

Taking the good with the bad.

The past few days have been a whorl wind, full of high ups and very low downs.
Let's start at the beginning:

August 11, 2010-Carter gained weight, he is up to 2lbs 1 oz! He is doing pretty well.
He started having a hard time breathing today and kept d'Estaing (his heart rate and oxygen levels drop)
and he was struggling to breath, they put the nasal cannula (oxygen tube in his nose)
back on him which helped him breath a little better.
We left him at 11:45pm and he was sleeping peacefully and so adorably!

Today we also had a little going away party for our friends the Couch's, who are heading away on a grand adventure to Michigan for law school! We will miss them terribly but hope all the best for them! I know I'm sad that they didn't really get to meet Carter, but they will be home for Christmas and they can meet then! By the way, Carter and I say Thanks so much for the adorable baby gift! He is going to look so cute in them, and I can't wait to try them on him!!

Aug 12, 2010-Today was the roughest, hardest, most depressing day I've ever had in my whole life!!!! I've never cried harder and for so long and so many times then I did today. Mike even had a hard time. When we woke up this morning, I called the hospital to check on the baby just like I do every morning. The Nurse told me that Carter was sick. Last night he started acting a little weird, and just not him self. That he didn't look like he felt well at all, and then about 3:30am he started spitting up his food and d'Estaing almost every 5 minutes or so. He held on through the night but by morning really didn't look well. I bawled after hanging up and then we got up and got ready and rushed over to the hospital. I cried the whole way there and then started bawling the minute I saw him. The nurse told me that they ran some tests and took some blood cultures to see but that they where almost 100% positive that he had an infection. Looking into those little eyes, that had little tears in them, that were just staring up at me, almost pleading for help I lost it!!!! I felt helpless, I didn't know what to do. My mom welcomed me to Motherhood, she said that, that feeling would never go away-that it actually will get worse when you can hear you baby's crying and can't help them, etc. We sat there most of the day with him. About mid afternoon things where getting worse, he was barely moving and his heart rate would plunge every time someone touched him. Dr. Anshutz, one of the NICU Dr.'s came in and looked at some of the tests results. He immediately decided that Carter needed to be intabated (having a breathing tube placed down his throat and a machine breath for him). I lost it completely, snorting and all. My mom was with me because Mike had to leave for a little while to go meet with a guy and she about had to carry me as we walked out of the NICU nursery. She knew I would not be able to sit and watch as they intabated my baby. They had me come back into the room before they did anything so that I could see him with out the walls of his incubator up. I just wanted to hold him, love him, kiss him, pick him up and run out of that room! I was a mess and couldn't control myself anymore. We left the hospital-with everyone watching me like a hawk, and came home for a while. I lost it again when I saw Mike. I have never prayed harder in my life then I did all day yesterday, and I was comforted greatly by my Heavenly Father
who knew I was almost at the end of what I could handle.

the breathing machine

My mom gave me a quote that I love, it states

"You never know how
strong you are
until being strong is the only
choice you have."

We went back up a bout an hour later and saw our little man, he was sleeping and looked so peaceful. The Dr., the nurse, and the PA all came over and told us what was going on-thankfully because we had so many questions. They also were worried about me and wanted to make sure that I was ok, which I was. It was hard to see our baby with a tube down his throat and a machine breathing for him, but we knew it was the best thing for him. They explained that his body was so worn out that he wasn't even trying to breath on his own or fight the machine, which was a good thing. He just needed to rest so that his body could gain strength and fight off the infection. They gave him some versed so that he would rest for a while, as he did...the rest of the day! I was so thankful that he was going to be ok, that his body would rest and be fine! We were warned about the ups and downs that come with having a preemie baby, but no one told us about how fast they come on! My dad actually told us that we were due for a down because after having an up for 9 days (since day 1) it was bound to happen sooner rather than later, as much as none of us wanted it.

Carter with the breathing tube in

They had to put him on blood pressure medication because his body was so relaxed that his blood pressure was super low. It is suppose to be up in the 30's or higher, and it was down in the teens. They also stoped his feeds, placed him on other types of medications and I'm not able to hold him for the next few days, which is hard but I can still change his diapers so I can still touch him for a minute every few hours. Anything is better than nothing so that's fine with me!
I'm so grateful for the gospel in my life, for a Heavenly Father who cares for me and loves me and my family. I'm also extremely thankful for prayer and for the comfort that it brings, I never could have made it through this day with out it!

Aug 13, 2010-Today has been much better. When I called to check on him first thing this morning the nurse told me that he was doing so much better, and even looked so much better. When we got there this morning it was apparent right off the bat that he was doing better, he still wasn't great but he was better. His color is starting to come back because his blood pressure is up where it should be, in fact they took him off the BP medication. He is moving more than he did yesterday, and is awake a little more than yesterday. He is so adorable as I sit and watch him sleep, or when he wakes and looks at me. He is starting to breath on his own a little more but is still worn out so they will leave the tube in for at least today and tomorrow. They took his pick line out, because they where pretty sure it was a contributing factor to the infection and they won't place a new one for 24 hours after they receive a negative blood culture. The culture they took yesterday to test for infection grew in 12 hours, they normally take 48 hours for a positive or negative culture. The poor little boy was really sick! They did another ECO on hist heart this morning as well to see if the PDA opened back up again due to the infection, but we won't know anything until tomorrow. While we were visiting he was being so cute, posing in the most adorable way....check it out!

This is the Kidney machine, it monitors his kidneys to make sure that they function properly. He was really low to begin with, He is suppose to be in the 70's or higher, and he was down in the 40's when they put the monitor on him.

In good news, he gained weight! He is up to 2lbs 4oz, but will probably lose up to 2oz or so because his kidneys didn't put out much yesterday and they are today. So over all he is doing much better, he still has a ways to go so please continue to pray for him!!!!!!

*remember that I need your e-mail address's, going private in 3 days!


Tricia said...

I'm so sorry that he took a bad turn :(! Just hang in guys have a lot of people praying right along with you. He just needs a few days to rest. I know things will get better each day! He is so precious! I love looking at your sweet pictures!

McKenzie said...

Oh man! You guys are always in my prayers! I can't wait for him to get better so that I can meet him! He is so sweet!

Cinderella, the A-Train and Our Little Caboose said...

We pray for you guys day and night. HOpefully you will include me in your email. Love you guys!

Megann said...

You ARE strong. And Carter is too. Libby went through her share of infections, and it's not easy. Nothing that you're going through is easy and it's okay to cry. You have so many family and friends supporting you. That's important and you're very blessed to have them.
Please include my email when you go private.

thecuteone said...

In case you don't get it off of facebook here it is again


Mindee & Austin said...

Meg this breaks my heart seeing you and your little man going through these ups and downs and having these trials, you are such a strong woman of God, and Carter will pull through this! I just know it! My thoughts, prayers and love goes to your family. I love the pictures you always put up, and the way he is layin with his arm up, couldnt get much cuter, what a stud of a baby you have! You are amazing, NEVER ever forget that. Love you!! Hang in there!

Gramma n Grampa said...

The Belnap's have you in our thoughts and prayers. He is precious.
My email address is
I would really like to beable to follow his progress. If you approve.
Love the Three of You

Greg and Brittany said...

I just read that quote the other day! You have a strong foundation! So be tough (and strong) you and your little family are in lots of people's thoughts and prayers. And don't forget to add me to your private list :)

Stefanie said...

I will keep you in my prayers. please add me

Mike and Jamie said...

Mike and Megan,
We would really love an invite to your blog, if that's okay :) We check on Carter's progress every few days and the kids and I just eat up all his cute pictures. Your family is, as always, in our prayers.

Chase and Renee said...

Stockhoff Family said...

Megan and Mike you are in our prayers and thoughts we would love to see your blog if we can. Melissa keeps us updated but it would be fun. So add us if you like. Gary and Stacie

Sean and Chelsea Van Wagenen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natalie said...

Michael and Megan,

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you. Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Natalie Vohs Mealey

Michelle said...

Megann, My prayers and thoughts are with you and Mike. You are an amazing woman who all look to as a rock. Hold on girl, our Heavenly Father NEVER leaves us alone. WWe love that little Carter already. When you get to it we would love to follow your blog.
Love, Michelle Elison

PJ and Annie said...

I'd love to continue reading your blog. My thoughts are with you guys during this.

Sean and Chelsea Van Wagenen said...

We are praying for you guys! Keep being strong.

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

I am a long-time friend of Melissa's and I am so so sorry for your loss. Know that there are a lot of people praying for you even if you don't really know them too well. I hope that you can feel an immense amount of comfort and peace at this incredibly difficult time.

Club Jolley said...

Hi there, I have been following your blog for a while now and I feel really bad that I haven't commented until now. This is Haley Jolley (Cripe in high school!), and I found your blog from Stacie Couch's blog. She just let me know about your sweet little baby too, and I have to tell you that we are praying for you. You never know how many unknown people are praying for you, especially at a time like this. You are such a sweet little family. I love this quote, and sorry it's really long, but I hope it brings you some measure of peace.

"If you feel you have been wronged—by anyone (a family member, a friend, another member of the Church, a Church leader, a business associate) or by anything (the death of a loved one, health problems, a financial reversal, abuse, addictions)—deal with the matter directly and with all the strength you have. “Hold on thy way” (D&C 122:9); giving up is not an option. And, without delay, turn to the Lord. Exercise all of the faith you have in Him. Let Him share your burden. Allow His grace to lighten your load. We are promised that we will “suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ” (Alma 31:38). Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually." ("Turn to the Lord," by Donald L. Hallstrom, Conference April 2010)

I hope you find comfort in these words, and in the knowledge that you'll be with your sweet baby again.

p.s. if you don't mind, I'd love to keep reading your blog: