Thursday, September 2, 2010

Happy Birthday!

A month ago today, our lives changed forever.
A month ago today, my water broke and with-in 24 hours our first baby,
Carter Michael was born. Our lives changed,
never to return to what they once were. Our lives changed all for the better,
we have grown immensely through this whole journey and
now are on a better path, living closer to the spirit then ever before.

We became parents and experienced the joys and pains that come along with
bringing a precious spirit into this messy world. We are starting to heal,
thanks to our Father in Heaven and the Holy Ghost.
We are better people, and although don't have our baby with us
physically, on this earth we are parents-
we struggle daily with this concept, it doesn't seem real.
I'm not going to even try and pretend like one of us doesn't cry daily,
we do. We cry on good day as well as bad.
We cry over happy things as well as sad.
We cry cause the pain hurts, and
we cry when we feel that overwhelming peace
we know is being given to us by our angel baby.

We are not "better" or "over it" as some people would like us to be,
we will never be "better" or "over it", how could we?
This is something that we will live with for the rest of our lives,
and although we've been told the sharp stabbing heart pain,
and aching arms does start to subside, our normal is no more.
A once was or so to say. I'm thankful for that.
This all happened, and now we have to create a new "normal".
But, we are starting the process to heal and that is a big accomplishment.

So as much as I've dreaded the thought of having to start blogging about other
things besides just Carter, the time has come.
Our lives as mush as I would like them to stand still,
our pressing forward. I know Carter wants us to be happy,
and we will get there one day-but for now, baby steps.

So baby step #1:


(photo taken 9-2-09)

Today is Mike's birthday,
and I hope that it is as good of a day as he could have!
This boy is turning 23 today!!!!
I won't bore you with a list of 23 things I love about him.
But I do feel the need to name a few big ones,
to give him a shout out on his big day.

1-He is my best friend, and has seen me through everything for the past 5 years.
2-He is an amazing comforter, and will just listen to me or hold me when I need him.
3-He is a wonderful dad!! He was with me almost every moment that he could,
at the hospital with Carter, and he melted when I finally
gave up my chance to hold Carter, so that they could have some daddy/baby time.
I melted seeing them together.
4-He is a strong person; emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.
5-He is a hard worker, and loves to always be doing something with his hands.
6-He loves the gospel!
7-He remembers the little things almost all of the time.
8-He puts up with me. Through high school drama, friend problems, his mission,
getting married, life, being pregnant, and most importantly, the loss of Carter.
He has been there every step of the way,
holding me up and sometimes carrying me through.
9-He is creative, in everything.
10-He loves being involved in everything I do,
wither it's decorating or making a big decision about life,
he is there making it with me. I love that!

All in all, I just adore and love this man.
I couldn't think of anyone better to be married to, and name my babies after!
I knew I loved him when we got married,
but now I fully understand the depth in which I love him!

Happy 23rd Birthday Babe!
I Love You!


Stacie Couch said...

What you wrote about Carter and healing was just beautiful! I have tears streaming down my face right now. I think of you 3 all the time, and I hope that if there is any way that I can help you heal that you won't hesitate to let me know. Happy Birthday to Mike!

Stockhoff Family said...

You are an amazing couple who has showed so much courage in the face of all of this adversity. I am so grateful to know you. So many prayers will be said for you for a very long time. We love you both. Stacie and Gary

Greg and Brittany said...

You two are so strong! Happy Birthday Mike!